Friday, January 4, 2013
A Dose of Honesty
Hello!! I am back :) Thanks for letting me take a little time off.. I needed to step back and think about a few things.. And I decided I wanted to share a little bit right now.. A few weeks ago I read this amazing post by Whitley from Queen City Style. We met through blogging - but finally had some face-to-face time during my New York trip last year. I really admired her openness and honesty - and it prompted me to re-think and re-evaluate this blog. I want to make sure I am putting my best work forward. And I realized.. that until I was honest with myself, I couldn't really be honest with my readers.
So I decided it was time to take a bit of break. And I did. No real blogging. No checking my stats or obsessing over my followers. I holed up in my apartment with a marathon of Law & Order: SVU (no like an actual marathon on USA.. okay if we're being honest it was a 3 day marathon) and just reflected. For me, I fall into the trap of "The Blogging is Always Greener on the Other Side" It's so easy to view other women's blogs and think "She has the perfect life" or "I wish I had her clothes" I often find myself wondering "Maybe if I had enough money I could look like that" or "Wow! She's gorgeous - What the heck do I think I'm doing?" I know that I can't be alone in these thoughts yet I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel inspired and challenged. Not envy and jealousy.
Blogging can be such an amazing creative outlet. But it can also be a farce. A false sense of what's really going on. I don't like to post on here to be showy or self-absorbed. But sometimes, I wonder if it comes off that way. Because that's not my true intention. And as much as I pride myself on "keeping it real" on BAD, I'm worried that I have only shown a certain side of myself. One that I want people to believe I have.
But here are the truths: I have insecurities just like everyone else. I fight with my husband and get homesick for my family. I get utterly consumed with questions like am I pretty enough, thin enough, nice enough, tough enough... (this list can go on and on) I miss my close friends - you know the ones who have seen you at your deepest and darkest - red-faced and runny nosed while you hysterically let out your feelings. And while I have enjoyed the last 4 years in LA, I have a serious love-hate relationship with it. It's not necessarily NYC-kick-your-ass tough, but it's a hard city to live in sometimes. It truly is the "Land of the Pretty People" & can spotlight your insecurities in an instant. It's also "Land of the Fake People" which can in turn make you feel alone. Insecure & alone? Not exactly the best combination.
My point being this, I want to be sure I am "keeping it real" on here. I want to be honest and truthful with you guys. I want to truly be the transparent gal I claim to be. So yes, this blog will continue to stay Fashion-Focused. And no, I promise not to turn it into a day-by-day diary of feelings. But every now and then, I may insert a few thoughts here and there about me. How I'm feeling, what I'm thinking or what I'm experiencing. And I hope that's okay with you :) Thanks for listening! :) xo
image via Instagram